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9 months…. wow…

Remy is 9 months, almost 10, and it has been crazy around here. This little guy is on the move and taking on the world. It’s amazing to see the little person he is becoming. He is definitely establishing his likes and dislikes, what he wants to do with our time during the day, when he wants to sleep. I’m trying hard to maintain our schedule, but sometimes he just has other plans for us.


He currently has 5 teeth, almost 6. (One incisor has cut, but really hasn’t shifted down yet.) He weighs just over 20 lbs and is in the 75% for height and weight. He is crawling, standing, and getting ready to walk. He LOVES food and has finally started to show preferences for foods he likes and no longer just eats whatever I hand him.


He is still the happiest baby around and we get comments on his smiles wherever we take him. I think the most frequently asked question is, “Is he always this happy?” And the answer is yes! He loves to laugh, giggle, play, smile, wave his arms and kick his legs.

Currently his favorites are watching airplanes (still), going to the aquarium, eating, reading books, going for walks, breezes blowing on his face, playing in the pool or a bath, playing with dada, and giving mama kisses. This last month he learned how to blow people kisses with his hand and is currently working on “so big!” His high fives are getting really good now too.


I’m shocked that he will be a year old in just over two months. This year has gone by way too fast. They always say it will, but you just never realize how fast until you go through it. I try and stop every day and just soak him up and take a few minutes to enjoy our time together.

That Big Ugly Word

Depression.

In my case, postpartum depression. I’ve been suffering through it for most of Remy’s life. (Or most of 8 months now.) For quite awhile I didn’t know it. I knew some things were off. I knew I was struggling a bit. But for me, I kind of just thought it was normal, or that it was everyone else. And not really everyone else as I don’t have that much day to day interaction with others. (I work full time from home.) But a lot of blame was put sadly on my husband. I really thought a lot of what was going on was him and not my emotions. Or when my step kids were bothering me, I really thought it was them being obnoxious and not realizing they were just being kids and I was the sensitive party. (Though I still think they need to act a little more grown up as they are now moving into teenage-hood and no longer really “kids”.)

But slowly this postpartum depression has been eating at me. At one point I had an awakening. It was like this fog lifted and I could see what was really there all of a sudden. It hit me square in the chest. This pounding pain in my heart as I realized I had almost been willing to end my marriage a few weeks prior because I had been so upset. I realized that there was a name for what I had been feeling and I should have seen it so much sooner.

As someone who has struggled for a long time (most of my adulthood and teenage years) with depression, I can’t believe I couldn’t see it. How did I miss all the signs? I should have known better! Of course beating myself up about it didn’t make it better. But at least I knew what it was and could get help and deal with it. It would get better. Right?

Right?

At least I thought it was. Then this week after several hard days of feeling at my absolute lowest point, I realized it again. Here I am, knowing full well what is going on, and I am still suffering. Still struggling. It doesn’t magically go away just because you know what it is. It doesn’t go away because you have talked about it with your husband, sister, girl friends. It doesn’t go away just because you have seen a doctor. It is a work in progress. You keep moving forward. Little steps at time. Do the things you can and then tackle the harder ones. Let those around you help with those bigger issues.

Yesterday I reached out on Facebook about it. It wasn’t a call for help. I wasn’t asking for anything. Just a “hey, this is what I am going through” post. It is not something I normally would have put on a public space. But I am trying. Trying to be more open. Trying to be more honest. And depression is something I feel very strongly about. It is something that needs to be talked about and addressed. Too many people suffer alone, scared. I know I have felt alone more times than I can count and I’m pretty sure none of those times I was really, truly alone. I just couldn’t see anyone there.

The support I got from friends and family was amazing. So many people reaching out to share their stories. As a friend said, using Facebook like it should be, “a shared human experience.” I couldn’t agree with her more.

I am still struggling. I know I still have many days ahead where I will continue to feel like I am suffocating. Drowning. Too much stuff piling up on top of me. But I am moving forward and even if I don’t reach out to everyone who has offered help, I know they are there. I always did, but that is how it is when you are depressed, you just don’t see these things or can’t act on them. At least my husband knows I am still suffering and he is here to pull me up every time I am down.

And at the end of the day, I always have this guy. Who offers the sweetest smiles. The sloppiest kisses. The warmest snuggles. And the happiest laughs.

(I have to apologize that the battery in my camera was not charged and that I only have iPhone photos to share.)

Remy is unfortunately too little to appreciate the real awesomeness that is Easter baskets: chocolate. But thankfully, I was able to find some cute things that were age appropriate for him. I know he will never remember his first Easter basket, but I always will.

This is the basket I found at Target for him. I didn’t want to do a normal Easter basket that would be used once and then tossed out. I needed something that I could repurpose. I found this cute green basket on clearance and it matches his rug so I’ll be able to reuse this in his nursery.


I used some material that we bought on Saturday for the filler. (Christopher is going to sew Remy some more scarf-bibs with this material.)

And then the goodies!



The little animal shaped eggs were one of the first things I found and I simply love them. We didn’t fill them with anything, but Remy loves to hold them. Then I got him some cheap Easter toys in the Target holiday “$1” section. These were really like $5 a piece. There are some bath books, a bath bunny squirter, and an animal puzzle. He also got some butternut squash and some mangos. And finally his big gift, a Caterpillar activity toy to go along with his book that we read to him.

Remy seemed to really get a kick out of his basket.




After Remy enjoyed his Easter basket, it was time to dress up in his Sunday best and deliver Easter baskets to his family.



Happy Easter!

My favorite stage


6 months has been amazing so far. I can easily say that this has been my favorite stage. Not a day goes by without me being amazed at something Remy has learned or mastered. He makes me laugh several times a day with his adorable sense of humor he is developing. I am simply blown away at the little person he is becoming.

Right now Remy loves to eat. He is an eating machine. He can eat up to 4 oz at a sitting and probably more if we let him. He seems to prefer veggies over fruit, but beyond that, he doesn’t seem to have any preferences. He will simply devour anything you put in front of him… peas, pears, bananas, avocado, apples, mango, carrots, broccoli, rutabagas, blueberries… He has been enjoying the Ella’s Kitchen and Plum organic food pouches that we buy him and he hasn’t turned away from any of them.

He enjoys sitting by himself and playing, but it’s even better when Mama or Dada are on the floor with him.


He loves car rides in our new swagger wagon because he sits up high and can actually see out the window. (I’m sure I’ll eventually stop calling it that, but not until I think of a good name for it.)

He has a “mini woobie”, a tiny version of his baby blanket, that Christopher sewed him and he snuggles it every day. He is just very snuggly in general these days. He loves kisses and hugs and laying his head on your shoulder when you hold him. He is starting to put his hands out and reach up to you when he wants to be picked up. He is a very active, curious child and is just moments away from crawling. He is already trying to pull himself up. He can balance on his knees to look out windows.

Baths are still one of his favorite things to do and he will be starting his swim lessons next week. This kid just loves water.

For the most part he is all smiles and he loves to show it off. I really can’t wait to see what the next month holds for him.

In honor of Remy turning 6 months old (omg 6 months! where did the time go?!), I thought I would share some photos that have not been posted on Instagram, Facebook, Flickr… These were all taken with my digital camera and I hadn’t gotten around to taking them off until now.













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